Telligent

Day 34- Love Celebrates Godliness

Prince Charming — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 11:05:51 GMT

I got up early and had to go to work all day on Saturday. I left out about 7:30 yesterday morning and everyone was still in the bed. I sent her a text around 8:00 telling her good morning and that I had fed the cats and dog before I left. I told her to have a good day and that I would see her when I got home last night.

I sent both of my kids a text telling them to have a good time at the football game and that I loved them. I got a reply back from my son but my daughter never answered back. She is so mad at me for everything that has happened that she can't even tell me that she loves me. I truly believe at this point and time she just hates me. The only thing I can do is to try and fix this relationship with her and ask for God's help in this. Me and her had a talk last night and I hope that helped some.

I was busy at work all day and didn't talk to anyone in the family all day. Cinderella emailed me around 5:30 and asked if I would vacuum the steps when I got home because it was to hard for her to do it. I emailed back and told her that I would be glad to. I called her on the way home and asked her if she needed anything and she said no. I told her I would see her in a few minutes and she said she was going out for a little while. I told her ok and I would see her when she got home.

When I got home I vacuumed the stairs for her and ran up and took a shower. I threw a load of towels in the washing machine and went outside with my bible. I sat outside on our swing and did my daily my daily bible reading and spent some time talking and praying to God. I sat out there for about 30 minutes and came back in.

My son called me and was ready to come home but said his sister wanted to go out to eat with some friends. I told him to tell her no and that they needed to come home. Well Cin came home about 5 minutes before they did and we all sat down and had prayer.

I went up with Cin and had prayer with her. I told her how great it was that she stepped in started playing the piano at church when they had no one to play. I also commended her for starting to sing again at church as well. I told her that I thought it helped the whole family hearing her sing and playing again.

Well it is church day and I am praying that this will be another great day. All the Glory goes to God today and everyday.

Day 22 Back on the horse

Burman — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:10:24 GMT

I paused awhile, almost 2 weeks before completing this dare. I can't tell you why, it wasn't for my lack of love I been telling her I've loved her before this. I think I was afraid of her reaction, because usually it starts a fight. I completed the dare using the words pretty much exactly as the dare states, and she said nothing. I wasn't shocked. She finally said she knew I loved her. I told her love is a choice not an emotion, you can feel loved but you choose to love another. I also told her love was more about giving then receiving and she said she knew that. Whatever. The rest of the day she has gone out of her way to do some minor favors for me that she usually wouldn't think twice about. That surprised me, I expected the cold shoulder the rest of the weekend.

time stands still

Trying1MoreTime — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 18:31:41 GMT

Life and I know I am no different or special then anyother but has thrown so many curve balls my way I am so tired of licking my wounds and getting back up to only get knowcked down again. My funk has me so lost and confuddled (my 6 yrs fav word) that I have not come and posted here bc I just don't have the heart to hear how I need to do this or that or if only. I know the lord is with me I have given it all over to the lord and in doing so the sitting here waiting to see his decision i have sunk so low in to depression it makes me scared. I am not to the low I was after the last affair was blown out of the water but its not far from it. I still read the bible and talk to the lord and do my devotional time but i am not as vocal as we all know I can be. I still visit here seveal times to follow the stories of all of you and root you all on. Prince and cinderella have my heart. I find that thier story is like looking in the rear view mirror of the past 2 years. I want so bad to stop them in their tracks and save them from some of the hell that has yet to come. and the boys you all know who you are I know some of you are the reasons ur marriage is in the state that it is but I see that you all have truly repented and that you are remorceful and want to sincerily show u have changed and not just for good graces but for eternity.

My MIL told me i am nothing but a vindictive selfish ****** the day I called the affair out she told me I was so horrible that if she had to see and hear and live with me every day she would cheat too. This woman was someone until that very moment was someone I would have said was in the top 5 of who I valued the most in my life outside of H and my kids. H would tell over and over til very recently that I am selfish and I can't see anything but what I want to see its gotta be my way or its just wrong.

I sit here now and i read all the entires and I want my H to be one of the men who have grown so much here over the last 6 weeks. I am SELFISH this proves it. I am sitting here wishing not that my h was a specific one here but a combination of all of you in one. I need to be happy with what I have I need to take the things and the people in my life that i do have and give praise for being so fortunate. They and even I are all still here still present in this family. If only in body it is still better then nothing. I need to take the funk the pity party and find a way to move past it. I'll save a couple of you from saying that for me. But then I will turn around and ask this

How many of you yourselves or ur spouse do you know would A> do the following or B> smile nod and if in the situation again would likely do the same thing.

We all know I did not get a gift for my birthday but alot of verbal attack and a migriane that i swear was near death. But i left it alone I mean he is ubber(another of my daughters fav words) swamped at work, he is disappointed he got nothing for taking over his bosses work load as well as his own for near three weeks. He gave up his holidays for it and even took the trip that fell on my birthday. Something had to give and I am getting used to it being me. The week btw the birthday and to my anniversary went along the same lines and countinued with me keeping everyting inside to ensure the house remained calm so that he had a place he could take a breath in.

I wanted a special night for our anniversary I know you would all think I would have learned my lesson last week but nooooooooooo i went for a huge set up to get hurt again.
I had originally thought chinese bc we used to grab it after the kids went to bed curl up in bed eat it and watch a movie. But the day before his stomach was not well so i changed it to fresh ravioli with a white herb sauce. I should have known better the minute I opened my eyes but i swear some days i am blind bc i still get blind sided over the same things over and over. H decided to try and work through a quick store visit and finsh up at home with computer and phone.

Nate and I went with him but he dicided to stop first at the car dealership to try and find the reason to why the money owing us is still not paid. However it was a disaster and left him and I both shaking at the rude and incompetence we encountered . (they own us 1800 from the car accident issues) I know that money may not be alot to some but to us thats major. He then stopped at one store only to find the staff had pulled some underhanded backhanded things which resulted in 8-10 hours of work that would need to be done by morning. By this time poor nate was sooo hungry so we went to get food but the phone rings so by this time I am beyond my ability to smile and say yeah great day. So I get H and Nate food from wendy's and they eat it in the car.

H tried I asked togo home cancel the grocery shopping and thigns I had planned to do today but he went to the store so I could shop. We got home and his tension level was so high a drop of a pin would have sent him off. So I sorted all the papers found out what was missing and he went back to the store for what was to be a few moments it turned into hours. I came up with something to feed the kids got them cleaned up and even into bed before he returned. He was so past his level of couping I gave him buns with peanutbutter knowing full well ant hope of kissing was over(I am allergic to nutz) but its one of his fav comfort foods. I placed the computer infront of him took all the paperwork and spent the next 8 and a half hours doing it. I finishd after 1 am. Through out the night he would "check-in" to tell me how things in his game were going.this person or that. But still I plugged on to finish the paper work so that the next day he did not have to get an ear full from his field consultant. My back was so bad i could not move i had placed an ice pack right on my back to freeze the pain I did not care of the cold or anything.

H came to bed before I was finished and crashed and I sat there staring at him willing him to wake up to give me a kiss something anything except the egg I all of a sudden felt on my face. He took advantage of me no question but the fault then does not lie with him but with me. I have allowed him to take advantage of me over and over again. What wife what person would do all that work so that thier spouse could play a game and not even get a kiss or a ty for it. I did not do it for praises but to reduce his stress but at the same time I did not do it so I could feel like I do. Words can't even discribe how sick i am over how 2 days that should matter went by like I didn't even exist. I was literally sick actually i woke up an hour later and my back was so bad it made me sick. After an hour in my little bathroom I was just trying to crawl back into my bed but Nate woke up at 5 so Up with him I got.

So i spent yesturday trying to get things done from laundry to lawn mowing to back to the store walking this time for things my daughter needed. He came home and he and nate curled up to play xbox. I went out to mow the lawn(again I am allergic to cut grass)and bc it has been so much cooler the grass was still damp so every time around I had to pull it out of the mower bc it was plugged. I came in and said i was going to shower bc I was already getting stuffed up. He said just let him grab his pills and he wouldtake care of the kids so i could. I waited and waited and waited he never did go take his pills he went in and crawled right into bed and slept there for the next couple of hours.

SO again the food i had planned to make went out the window and I got the kids fed and the stew in the crock pot I was making for today. He finally got up and was unable to tkae nates whinning so I gave up bc I was just so desperate to get the grass off and took nate into the shower with me. When we got done he was still not taking the whinning so nate and I went into his room early to listen to stories til it was bunny milk time (the chocolate nesquick bunny) He gets about an inch in the cup to drink right before bed. I got him off to bed and went out and made H up a supper since he of course slept through when I fed the kids. I watched a show with my daughter bc i had promised her a movie but that would have taken to long. I was jsut going to crawl into bed and hope the day would end i had so far kept all my comments thoughts and hurt inside bc talking would only leave me feeling worse so its jsut better to shut up.

but i was hungry i had not eaten but a bun earlier in the day. So I went out and made the new orzo recipie I had found. I put a small bit in a bowl for him bc it was a dish I was excited to share with him originally. I went to bed with my food ate and laid down with my bible and i fell alseep reading Job 14.(sorry lord) about ten mins later I felt eyes on me and it was H jsut sitting there staring at me. I think or it was a dream so not sure anymore.... he told me he really did appreciate all the hard work I had put in the past week so that he did not have to do it and could play and relax a bit. and then I said well i'll take a kiss and he huffed and disapeared.

Nate woke up at 530 and brough Him and H to bed. where H comments about his game again and I {Sorry Lord} after bitting my tounge for the past week let it alittle go. told him i did not mind doing it so he could relax but the fact that I went through my special days alone and doing his work so he could play for complete strangers so they could deal with thier spousesreal life was more then I could handle. to not be worth enough based on his issues is one but to not even be worth more then complete strangers in a game was more then i can take. And I got up with nate bc well of course he was tired. My tummy is so past being able to handle the bottleing up I have spent the morning sick once more.

He got up from his sleep showered and took off to check in on his stores. So here I sit with 2 kids who are so tired. they have taken to getting up in the wee hours to get daddy time. bc that is the only time they can get it but now all that gets accomplished is the kids and I get up they are tired and grumpy and I feel.... well we all know how I feel.

I love my H I do but after weeks like this I truly have to sit and remind my self of the WHYS I want this marriage to work. I am glad i made the squash and sweet potato stew bc I am in such a funk I want to just curl up munch and wait til I can go back to bed. I am at least eating healthy.

So Lord I will keep reading the chapter of Job and once the message comes forth I will go back to the daily love dare until then please today carry me bc i am not capable to shoulder this i need ur love and strength bc I don't feel I have anythign left.

Amen

Day-55

Stephen — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 17:54:38 GMT

I've not posted this way until now...

By my 40th day, my beloved had taken up another relationship and was even more insistent about her need for moving on with her life. This news was confirmed about 2 weeks ago while at a counseling session.

She was willing to come to counseling under the premise that what she shared with the counselor was confidential from me, and that it be for the purpose of finding a peaceful, caring pathway of departure. But, because the Lord led me to a phenomenal Christian marriage counselor, he agreed to her terms and she came.

That session began a work in her that only could have happened at the right time and place for her to begin to crack a little. Don't get me wrong, she is maintaining the outer shell of self-everything, but there were a dozen times that she teared up during our 2-hour session. I ended up there for an additional hour after she left.

Then, Thursday, the 2nd, Day 52, she met again. This time she saw him alone the first hour, then a 2-hour joint session in which I gained very critical Ah Ha! moments myself. She saw in me the willingness to take responsibility for my part in her feeling the need to move on. Thank God He has sustained my fidelity to her throughout out marriage and that I don't have that weight to bear. But, I do have other areas of unfaithfulness that have been identified, that I am humbly correcting with the Holy Spirit's teaching and cleansing power. I am being counseled and accountable to make these changes permanent.

Among these are "fight or flight" tendencies - usually flight. I have been less than honest with her at times for fear of reprisal and of hurting her. I have been overwhelmingly overbearing at times when I should have backed off. These are all quite correctable, and I am committed to changing these traits about me, submitting to the Holy Spirit.

Being so hung up on accuracy, definitions and exactness...I guess I am pretty complex. The question is, how much self-control is enough when loving someone else. I think of Christ exercising the ultimate of self-control when I read in Phil 2, seeing Him give up the very nature of God and all of His power, just to show us that love demands of us the ultimate of self-control, and the extent of sacrifice Love goes.

In this session, I looked her in the eye and said "I let you go." "I am not here about reconciliation, and I think you should know that." She was stunned by the reality of my standing. God had prepared me to let her know that in Him I stand in righteousness, in the liberty He has given me due to her breaking her vow of "forsaking all others." This does not mean that I have closed the door to reconciliation, but it does mean that just I cannot meet with her pursuant to her divorce because that is completely against my will and God's, the same is true for her. She cannot meet with me pursuant to reconciliation because it defies her will. Hence, I wait. I wait upon the Lord and allow Him to clean me up, to build me into the "new me" that this journey is all about.

I continue in the Love Dare book each day, leaving the action exercises to be done at a later date, as I have been barred from such by the Lord under these circumstances. I know that either way, with or without her in my future, that God is preparing me to love my eventual wife in a way that in incomparable to anything I have ever experienced and likely for her as well.

I will remain faithful and true to my spouse, loving her from a distance to the very end, whatever that is. I get to stand in the blessings of God - not perfect, but being perfected by Him along this path in ways that only this path could afford me, for which I am so very grateful!

I am so blessed by this:

"You are kept by the power of God through faith." (1 Peter 1:5)
"Do not be anxious. MY spirit shall direct your steps. You need have no fear. There is never a place where you walk that I(God) have not preceded you. There are many times when your faith waivers. Take no account of it. I am keeping you even when you do not feel strong. YOU MUST RELY ON MY FAITHFULNESS-NOT ON YOUR FEELINGS. Your strength will vary from day to day, but MY power is available to you as you yield to the Holy Spirit."

-Stephen

August Wrap-up: This Week At Pure Enjoyment

Christy Anderson — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 16:33:00 GMT

Brandilyn Collins notices that wrapping a novel manuscript is a different experience for different authors. For some like Brandilyn, the ending comes easily and energetically as they've gotten to know their characters and the direction of the story throughout the writing process. Others struggle and become anxious, searching for just the right way to tie up all the different threads of the story in a way that makes sense and satisfies the reader. Later in the week, she chats with suspense author Randy Singer about his new novel that places a Christian lawyer in the tough position of defending an imam accused of an honor killing.
Julie Carobini discusses her deep love for the show House Hunters International and how one her House Hunters tweets ended up on HGTV's Tweet of the Week!
Leanna Ellis celebrates what would have been her grandmother's 111th birthday. Or was it 110? Due to a mysterious mix-up on the birth certificate, Leanna and her family are left to wonder why her grandmother told the courts she was born in 1900 instead of 1899.
It was an exciting week for Pamela Ewen as her novel Secret of the Shroud was re-released by B&H Publishing Group. Take a look at our recap of her west coast book store tour and interview where she discusses her fascinating research and insight into the Shroud of Turin.
Patti Hill lays out 10 of the most important tips for succeeding as a novelist in preparation for her upcoming appearance at a writer's conference at Mesa State College.
LifeWay is giving away the e-book and PDF versions of Tosca Lee's novel, Demon: A Memoir, for free!

Day 33- Love Completes Each Other

Prince Charming — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 15:02:38 GMT

Cinderella came to me first thing Thursday morning and asked to talk to me. Whe said that she had thought it over and prayed about it and she wanted a divorce. I didn't know what to say and just walked away and cried. I was and am completely devastated. My son came downstairs a few minutes later and seen me and asked me what she had said. I told him that she said that she wanted a divorce. He was as devastated as I was.

Well I finished up and left for work and cried and prayed all the way there. She snet me a text wanting to know why I told him right before he left to go to school. I told her that he came down and seen me crying and he knew it was bad news. I texted him a few more times on his way to school and made sure that he was ok.

When I got to work I read some scripture and prayed some more and started my work day. I was busy most of the day so that helped me some but the tears still flowed on and off, just as they are right now while typing this.

I decided to leave work for a little while and went home and met my kids at the house when they got home from school. My daughter just said hi and went straight upstairs to her room. I sat there and talked to my son and we came to an agreement. We are both just going to hand this over to God and let Him lead us on this path. We both feel that there is still a chance to work this out, but it will be up to God and not us.

We are both just going to continue our walk with God. No more trying to pull her back in or anything else. No more pressure or anything else.

Cinderella and I sat down and talked on Thursday night. I told her that I did not want to fight or anything else with her. I told her that our son and myself would like it if we could all be in the same house at least through Christmas if at all possible. I told her that no matter what she felt about me that she was still my best friend and the LOVE of my life!! I told her that I was so sorry for hurting her and that I wish I could understand all of it.

I also asked her to help me finish my testimony so I could start working on my ministry of sharing that. God has a calling for my family and I have to be prepared to lead them as the Spirtitual Leader or my household. I told her that if at all possible I needed her there with me when I shared my testimony. I also told her that I would love for to help me some when it comes to working with abused kids as well.

We hugged and held each other for a few minutes and prayed as well before we started out talk.

We are going to put the house up for sale and try to get it sold as well. We figure we will go separate ways when we sell the house, but I am still holding out hope that God will help us work this out.

I will take all the prayers I can get for my family as well as for myself. Please pray that God will lead us and that we will always trust Him.

Day 1

Brandy — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 15:01:26 GMT

Love is patient
Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. (James 1:19)

Day one of the love dare, Learn to be patient and hold your tongue. I found today to be fairly easy since hubby worked all day. But I told myself I would listen more instead of talk. Which ended up be the trying part because I talked to him the morning to vent off a situation that happened with my mom. He and I are actually starting to be able to talk, listen and understand each other better than we have before. But it is still early in the process of fixing us and our marriage.

Leaving

augustus — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 01:56:40 GMT

Well it has been 48 hours since going to court and i can stiil smell the room we were in.When i am not praying i can see my wife disdain for me as she rambled in front of the medaitor that i need to get on with my life and i do not love you anymore.Since then have seen her much(she makes it her business to avoid me by satying out until bedtim because she knows i have to work).Even though i told her tha ti wanted the house i could care less about the house,accounts,etc.. I want my family and i want my wife.Even now my oldest daughter is over to her aunt's house,my other 2 kids are over to grandparents and my oldest daughter told me that mommy is coming home tonight,was not awre that she had flown out.She knows that the job i have now(i lost my job in january)i can not afford the house.I do not want to battle or fight my wife,she is not my enemy.I feel unnecessary being at home.I do not want my kids to see me destitute and if this settlement runs its course i will be destitue.I am too old to be living with my mother.I love my kids dearly and it would hurt to be away from them but its looking that way.How can i care for my kids when i do not even have a place to stay.My wife says that she does not even feel sorry for me at all.I have made several calls to join the army to at least do the reserves and if they can make it worth my while i would dive in head first.She pulled me into an arguement yesterday morning and i caught myself for since she does not sleep in the bedroom i was taking her stuff and putting it in the living room where she resides but i caught myself and put her stuff back in the bedroom.I think i am going to leave next weekend.I still pray for my wife.

Day 47-The Most Unusual Day Ever...

Jeremy H. — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 15:34:32 GMT

Well I started my day off with the paper route and finished it up around 5:30 to allow Melanie some time for a quick workout before I had to hit the field. The construction foreman took vacation over the Labor day weekend, so I had to put on another hat and oversee one of the largest pipeline projects our company had ever done (over 100,000 feet). We started out the project going along pretty nicely, and then I decided to jinx us with a “man, this is going really smooth!”. We worked our way partway down the pipeline to discover that someone or another company had stolen some of our pipe. I found out it was another department for the company we were working for, but it took me literally all day to call out an additional truck to complete the project, and I had equipment and employees standing around getting paid and doing NO WORK!! Not too good for the bottom line. This in combination with problems with delivery to another location, a trailer getting stuck on a hitch where it wouldn’t come off, and failure of equipment to show up at a 3^rd location, I was fit to be tied when it was all over.

The work stresses in combination with what Melanie told me regarding our anniversary (I don’t want a “date” with you, just family dinner) because of some loyalty to “D”, put me in an extremely foul mood, and I was spraying venom on everyone and anyone. I didn’t text or call Melanie all day because of it, and I was forced to return off of location briefly to meet Melanie at daycare to give her the only carseat which I left in my truck and forgot to return to the house. We met at the daycare, my cell phone still blowing up with phone calls (nearly 100 before the day was over) regarding work out at the site, the constant problems, constant questions (many of them dumb, yes there IS such a thing)! That I saw Melanie all dowled up in her usuals and it set me off. I told her that because of my project running WAYYYY behind, that I wouldn’t be free any of the next 2 nights, and then I didn’t hold back and spewed out:

“Well now you won’t have to worry about feeling “weird” about spending your anniversary with your husband. SEE? It took care of itself. Now you can go be with your first choice!!”

I walked away angry, and as usual, in a few minutes after leaving off, felt badly and called to apologize. Melanie said that “you always do that and then apologize” to which I replied, “well sometimes I just can’t hold all the hurt in. I am not my wife’s first choice on our wedding anniversary and it is difficult. I was out of line, and I am sorry, but in the present circumstances, I would hope you would give me a bit of a break now and then if I am out of line”.

We hung up and she went home and I back to the location. We stayed there working until dark, and I had a “punch in the gut” feeling all night. I got back in the house about 10 pm, ate quickly, showered, and got ready to get back up at 3 a.m. I was exhausted and fell asleep literally within minutes and didn’t even hear the girls all go to bed.

This is where it gets interesting. My alarm awoke me at 3 a.m., and Melanie wasn’t in bed. Oh no! I guess she is so angry at me that she slept on the couch!´ I went quickly into the living room and she was awake, on her iphone, texting away. She began to tear up a bit.

“I guess your prayers have been answered”

What do you mean?

“Daniel is back with his ex-girlfriend. I took an energy pill too late at night and couldn’t sleep, so I texted Daniel to say goodnight. He has problems sleeping, so anytime I text him, he responds. He said he was at his friend’s house and would talk to me tomorrow. 30 minutes later, I sent him another text, and he didn’t respond. Something didn’t feel right, so I drove over to O----a. I went by his house, and his truck wasn’t there. I went to his friend’s house, and he wasn’t there either. I drove over to where his ex-girlfriend lives, but it is a gated community, and I couldn’t get in. I was already turning around and suddenly a truck drove up to go in (at 3 a.m.!!!). I followed it in, and went to where she lives, and his truck was there. His cell phone and wallet were in his truck, and I went to pound on the door, and nobody would come to the door.”

(You can't tell me that the "feeling" she had and the truck "happening" to come in when needed weren't God all the way. Especially when I asked Melanie if she suspected anything before and she said "no")

Well, SHOCK doesn’t begin to describe my reaction. I was torn between the joy of the opportunity to have my wife’s exclusive attention back, and the hurt that she was upset and crying over him. I tried to console her, but she was stoic and didn’t want any consolation from me. I told her that I loved her no matter what, and tried to say the PC things to get her mind at ease. “Maybe it was innocent” or “I am sure you will talk to him about it, and give him another chance” you know, crap to try and make her feel better. I wanted to completely stay away from the “I told you so’s” and try to show any joy at all. I had to take off for the paper route, and apparently she was texting all his friends that apparently couldn’t stand the “ex” and reassure her that “D” is crazy for doing what he is doing. I guess they were trying to console her into thinking that she was the better choice.

I came back in, and she was still going nuts on that phone. She gave me a couple “WHAT?” looks, and I could see she wanted her privacy, so I went into the living room. I killed time out there in prayer, and when it was time to wake the girls for school, I did so. I got them all ready, and asked her if taking them for her would be a help, considering the circumstance. She told me she didn’t want me to be late for my job, but I told her that she was more important than any job, and I would put her first. I got the girls up and ready, and dropped them off. I had a custom bouquet of flowers with red roses and lilies made and went and picked it up along with the card stuck in my truck at the local Ford dealer.

I got back in the driveway to return the carseat to Melanie, and went inside to drop off her flowers and anniversary card. I fully expected her to be asleep, but she was all dressed up and ready to leave.

”You going over to talk?”

“yes”

She walked into the living room where her flowers sat. She spat out a weak “thank you” likely seeming with guilt over the anniversary, and hurt over what just happened. I explained that the red roses were for my love for her, and the lilies represented a fresh start for us. I gave her a quick hug, told her that I loved her again and left. I am currently on my pipeline location and she is talking with Daniel, who I am sure is in full damage control mode. I pray the Lord will open her eyes to me and close her heart to him.

One more thing, I told Melanie that God hadn’t answered my prayer just yet. I told her my prayer was that her heart would open to me, not be hurt by something Daniel did. I told her that I couldn’t wish harm on her in any way, as that wouldn’t be loving. We shall see what happens the remainder of the day. Should be interesting tonight.

Day 28/Part 2 - Love Makes Scarifices

Mike — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 14:32:40 GMT

09-02-2010 Day 28/Part 2 – Love Makes Sacrifices

My wife’s greatest need right now is to de-stress and have her life be happy again. She tells me that she is stressed when we are together, see previous post, and that she feels her life would be better if she doesn’t have to answer to anyone and can live a single life. I think this is mostly because I stress her out with my unreal expectations.

My act of sacrifice/s will be to start with regular expectations, maybe lowering my expectations of her and our days and our relationship. I will start to hold onto the good days and the goods things and know that there will up and downs in our relationship. Every day does not have to be perfect. I will pray for peace and calm and learn to go with the flow. I used to do this and then for some reason I just started hanging on too tight and needing to know everything. This drives her crazy as she is a private person and doesn’t want to share everything/anything until she is ready.

I also have to stop asking her moods, guessing incorrectly about how she is feeling towards me or life in general. I have to go with the flow and live my life, as she keeps telling me.

I didn’t call yesterday when I was at work. She was on the computer a couple of times, I saw her Facebook posts, but I didn’t e-mail or call therefore showing that I do not need to know everything she is doing or thinking.

Her e-mail the day before thanking me for working on our marriage was awesome. It made me smile that she recognizes that I am working very hard to keep this family together. She may think of being single, living the single life and answering to no-one but she tells me that she is not looking for another man, she hasn’t got one and if we split she doesn’t want to get married again. These thoughts concern me but I have to let go, give them to God and pray for Laura. I cannot control whether she leaves or stays. I can just give her the best environment here to make that decision. I see, now, that I have been acting in a way that has been pushing her out and I need to change that.

There are days I get depressed, that I think that we would be better off, happier, in separate homes, but then there are moments that remind me how wonderful we could have our life become again. It is those moments that I pray for again.

In other news; I am off hunting this week. No cell phone and no computer. The dares will be put on hold for the week as I have no way of posting and they seem to be interaction dares. I will resume next weekend when I come home. I will pray each day for Laura, for us and I will think of her while I am gone. I hope she misses me a little. See you all in a week.

- Mike

Up with the early bird

cantloseher — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 11:33:59 GMT

Today is Day 15. A day to show honor to my spouse. She manages a small country store for the owners and works 7 days a week, 12 hours a day. As my way of living today's dare, I let her sleep in while I went and opened the store for her this morning. She is extremely tired from all the hard work she has done for the owners over the last 6 months. So I thought this would be a good way to honor her by giving her some additional rest time.

cantloseher

Almost giving up!

suzette — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 09:03:19 GMT

Oh, I feel like just giving up! This is SO hard! We fight all the time. If I open my mouth even to just take a deep breath, we fight! I am so tired of this! I want peace. I keep on telling him that. I don’t want to fight. I try not to react when he picks a fight. Knowing how I was, I am so peaceful and civil when he curses and yells and fights about nothing and everything. I am drained. My soul feels drained. I want to just stop being a better person, roll myself up into the fetal position, cover my head with something dark and heavy on this lovely spring day, and just feel sorry for myself and everything else that has ever gone wrong for me. For not being perfect.

Why do I feel that I just want this to end? Last night I actually almost prayed for this divorce to just happen and be over with, I want out that badly. And I’m not sure why! For 8 full months, all I wanted was just a chance to try make this work. I would have done anything for just one chance. Really, Anything! And now I just want it to end?

My heart is just so heavy today. So broken. And I worry about him so much. I worry about his health, his career, his future, his well being… He’s really in a bad, negative, careless, angry, bitter level at the moment. This has been going on for nearly a year. It consumes him. It controls him. It’s getting worse. I’m afraid that he will never realize that he needs help. I’m afraid of what will happen to him if he does not get help. If he fails. He’s not on speaking terms with the Lord at the moment. He hasn’t been for years. I’m so worried about him, today and in the future. And, when I try to discuss my concerns with him in the most appropriate way, he blows up! I don’t know him anymore. He keeps on telling me the same old things. He should never have married me. He does not know why he married me. He never loved me. He hates me. He wishes I’m dead. And said in anger, every single time, it cuts so deep that it makes me nauseous. I love him so much. I’m at a crossroad, and I’m not sure I want to take the path less traveled anymore.

I’m on day 9 today, and my very enthusiastic smile and lovely cup of coffee was not taken in the same spirit as mine. I got the grumpiest “Goodbye” when he left. But hey, at least he said goodbye this morning. After last night I was sure we would not speak for the rest of our lives. He’s ignoring me at the moment though. I have to speak to him about our little one, as he is out drinking with his colleages tonight, and I won’t see him until tomorrow. All my efforts to reach him are being ignored. And, when I now make the decision alone, he will definitely have a problem with it in the morning, blow it out of proportion, turn it into a huge fight, and be very unpleasant for the rest of the weekend. This surely is going to be a very long weekend.

Patience is Learned

AberdeenHatch — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 03:40:11 GMT

I have come to learn that patience truly does not come easy. It is an art that must be learned and practiced consistently, without fail. Oftentimes, patience can feel as far away as a distant star outside of the galaxy. While reading the description of Day 1, I realized that patience is not something that comes naturally to me. The words on the pages felt more like a biography of my life than anything else. It struck me that I have not been practicing patience, yet have been expecting the utmost patience in return. It is easy to read the words and understand their purpose, but it is a much more difficult task to put these tips to proper use. It took a lot of contemplating, pondering and confusion until I finally realized how I would begin my first day.

Day 1 turned out to be the first step on a seemingly (and hopefully) enjoyable journey. For the first time, I was able to listen and take time to respond, rather than jumping to unkind and uneffective words like a jack-in-the-box. Springing negative tones, words and vibes upon the one you love is sure to gain you an equally demeaning and insulting response. Today, I practiced taking deep inhales and long, extended exhales before responding. I imagined what it would be like to be on the receiving end of my own personality. I took this journey because it is time for a change, and a desperately needed change at that. Patience given accepted patience in return. Conversations flowed easier today and unnecessary bad feelings tended to dissipate without much effort, once patience was employed.

A Journey of the Heart: Exploring the Shroud with Pamela Ewen

Christy Anderson — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 01:27:00 GMT

This week, we were able to catch up with Pamela Ewen as she wrapped up a bookstore tour promoting the latest release of her novel Secret of the Shroud. Pamela has spent the past 15 years researching the Shroud and digging to the very roots and origins of the Christian faith, even traveling to a rare exhibition in Turin, Italy to see it in person. Though many people do not believe the Shroud to be genuine, Pamela's research taken her on a journey of the heart--one that has left her convinced that it's not only real, but a miraculous gift and tangible reminder of Jesus' sacrifice. Here's what she had to say to say about her personal experience researching and writing her novel:

Q: Tell us in 30 words or less about Secret of the Shroud.

A: Suspense fiction based on actual details of the most intriguing artifact of Christianity, the Shroud of Turin, the purported burial cloth of Jesus. Power. Revenge. At stake: Absolute Truth.

Q: What gave you the idea to write this book?

I believe that Christianity today is under attack—that charismatic, powerful people desire to destroy the power of the church from within by shifting attention from true focus on the cross and the resurrection, which gives us an absolute standard for right and wrong, and toward a message that our beliefs are mere philosophy and that right and wrong, good and evil depend on the culture and circumstances. These efforts are often masked by celebrity, charisma, humor, or condescension—these are wolves in sheeps’ clothing, and I wanted to write about that.

At the same time the Shroud of Turin has re-emerged, along with growing evidence that this is truly the burial cloth of Jesus. The Shroud is a fourteen foot long linen cloth bearing the detailed image, front and back, of a man who has been flagellated, crucified with nails in hands and feet, with a wound in his side and bloodied from a crown of thorns. After a century of intensive scientific scrutiny, science still has found no explanation for the detailed image of this crucified man bearing the marks and blood of wounds described in the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. And I ask myself, why has the full impact of the Shroud surged forth just now in human history?

In Secret of the Shroud these two forces collide—a wealthy, powerful man is confronted with the Shroud and a choice that may destroy him, a choice between truth and a lie. The first edition of this book was titled Walk Back The Cat. This newly released second edition, Secret of the Shroud, contains some new content and was issued in conjunction with the rare public exhibition of the Shroud in Turin, Italy last May, which I attended. The title was changed for clarity, because actual evidence on the cloth reveals something so surprising and mysterious that we wanted to focus more on that. It’s information which you won’t often find in mainstream media, but which has now been authenticated by experts.

Q: What type of research did you do for this book?

I researched if for many years. The Shroud is often (incorrectly) treated lightly, as though it were just another religious relic among many. I came across some of the scientific conclusions on the Shroud when writing my first book, a non-fiction book titled Faith On Trial. At that time I was an agnostic, and still a lawyer. I wanted so much to believe, but just couldn’t get there. I had questions. Studies in archeology, writings by ancient church fathers, scientific evidence, forensic evidence, medical evidence, and much more information that I found when writing Faith On Trial answered my questions. Like Doubting Thomas, all this evidence laid a strong foundation for faith and I became a committed Christian. The Shroud of Turin was one piece of evidence that lingered in my mind, and I turned back to it again when writing Secret of the Shroud.

There are numerous books and peer-reviewed, scientific papers written on the various aspects of the mystery of the Shroud of Turin. (Most of these papers are now published on www.shroud.com.) The evidence that it is authentic is massive: the blood, the precision of the wounds in accordance with the Gospels, faint images on the cloth evident only with extremely sophisticated tools—very detailed scientific photography—circumstantial historical evidence, chemical and forensic evidence from samples taken from the cloth in the Vatican study mentioned below, and the mystery of the creation of the image itself, which no one yet understands. I reviewed everything and absorbed it all.

Q: Now that you have seen the Shroud of Turin, would you add or change some of the description currently in the book?

No. The Shroud was recently restored and the image contrast is not quite as dramatic as it was before, but it’s still clearly the image described above. Before going into the Cathedral for the viewing, pilgrims are shown the mysterious positive/negative element of the Shroud, which is this: The image on the Shroud is like the ‘positive’ image of a photograph, the actual print of a picture when it’s finished. Looking directly at the Shroud the image of the crucified man appears faint, difficult to see after two thousand years. But in 1896 when the very first photograph was taken of the Shroud, as the negative began developing in the solution, the photographer was stunned to see emerging through the fluid a finely detailed image of the mutilated body, the face, the wounds. This is an astounding fact about the image, one of the things that makes it so difficult to understand. And of course, the Shroud image was created about 18 centuries before photography was invented.

So Pilgrims going into the viewing knew this, and were not surprised to see that the Shroud image detail was not as clear as on the negative image photographs with which they are familiar. And that preparation was a good thing, because unfortunately, the 2002 restoration was performed by Turin authorities without input from scientists around the world who’ve spent their entire careers studying the Shroud, and as a result they made some shocking mistakes. For example, the linen was steamed, resulting in the loss of historically important folds in the cloth. Pollen on the cloth that established its origin was vacuumed off. Historical burn and water marks were repaired. All of these things were important because they traced the journey of the Shroud through the centuries. Luckily, in 1978 the Vatican permitted an international team of scientists to study the Shroud in detail for five days and those records still provide the frame of reference for all scientific studies. Our guide and friend, Barrie Schwortz, was the official documentary photographer during that ‘78 study, and his photographs of the cloth are extremely clear and detailed. If you’ve seen pictures of the Shroud, chances are they were Barrie’s—he’s internationally known for this work. Barrie has been kind enough to permit us to include one of his photographs, that of the face of the Man of the Shroud in this 2nd edition of my book, Secret of the Shroud. His pictures of the image are iconic, this one in particular. Barrie hosted the recent television documentaries on the Shroud aired on the Discovery Channel and the History Channel.

Q: Can you share with us some of the thoughts of the Shroud photographer, Barrie Schwortz, when he first photographed it in the 70s and now?

The exhibition in May was the first time that Barrie and most other Shroud experts had been allowed to view the cloth since its restoration. Of course the controversial restoration process and results had been written about and discussed since 2002. The exhibition was an emotional experience for everyone, particularly for Barrie. Some of the post-restoration changes seen in person (and described above) were shocking. Afterward we gathered in the courtyard of the Cathedral. Barrie noted that the quality of the lighting was probably responsible for the diminished color and contrast. Poor illumination at the exhibition made the Shroud appear grayish, rather than having the warm ‘straw-colored’ tone that it had before. The human blood on the Shroud pre-restoration was red and now appears dark gray. The red color on such an ancient cloth was unusual, but Shroud scientist Alan Adler explained the importance of this years ago. Torture of the Man of the Shroud over a long period of time would have caused blood cells to break down. That causes the liver to flood the blood with a substance called bilirubin, giving the blood a permanent red color—providing some confirmation of the Gospel testimony of the torture Jesus endured. The change in color was therefore a tragic loss of evidence. Color is Barrie’s expertise. He’s one of the few people in the world who’ve been allowed to light the Shroud for photography, so he is acutely aware of how the Shroud ‘should’ appear. Interesting fact: Barrie is Jewish, yet he’s spent his life studying the Shroud and acting as a ‘messenger’ for those seeking information. He believes the Shroud image is inexplicable. Check out my website for an interview he gave me while in Turin—he’s a fascinating person.

Q: What is the most remarkable thing about seeing the Shroud in person?

The Shroud is a miraculous gift—there is no other way to explain the survival of this piece of linen through the centuries bearing the image it bears. After more than fifteen years of research, I have come to believe that the Shroud is the burial cloth of Jesus, and that the image on the cloth is a picture of Christ at the moment of his resurrection. There is no way to describe how it feels to stand in the presence of the Shroud—emotionally this is a universe apart from seeing pictures of it. You are in the presence of tremendous love and it imprints your heart. And tremendous peace. I looked at the blood marks from the crown of thorns, the wounds, the remarkable kind face with one swollen eye, and knew that whatever turmoil we create here on earth, Jesus is with us, we are his children. This cloth bears that message, yet again. Again.

And again.

I cannot explain. Cannot fully describe this experience.

Q: Is writing suspense different from writing, say romance?

I don’t think so. Most stories that grab me contain suspense, regardless of the genre. If you think of great literary love stories, the reader is always teased with obstacles, misunderstandings, conflicts—will the lovers get together at last? Think of Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers—there’s enough suspense over the relationship between Michael and Angel in that book to keep you reading through the nights. Same with Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. So I think it’s really just a question of the writer’s focus in the storyline. But either way you have to fully develop the characters and the situation for readers to care about the outcome.

Love is Kind

Mimi Blackwelder — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 21:30:07 GMT

Another easy day for the challenge, atleast I thought so. With Michael not being in the house, it is hard for me to go grocery shopping, but I did it anyway. I thought about the holiday weekend and wanting to have his favorites here when he came. I brought the groceries home and he was here waiting for me. He wanted to go. He was tired and grumpy. I gave him a box of energy bars that I bought for him to eat this week. He really didn't seem to care.

Second time around, this dare was done being resentful. I asked Michael over a week ago to clean the shower. Shower never got cleaned, so I did it. When he called after therapy to ask what I had been doing, I told him that I cleaned the shower. He said thank you but he was supposed to do it. I said, no problem, I took care of it. I was trying to be kind in doing it, but wanted praise for doing it too. So I guess I failed this dare.

Love is Patient

Mimi Blackwelder — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 21:26:22 GMT

Love is patient. Today's challenge was not difficult. I have been overlooking alot these days when it comes to my husband's behavior. Ever since finding out about his affair, I have working on my negative qualities and not his. Tonight was rough for our family but through the problems, I was able to look at him and see love.

Started the Love Dare over again upon advise of some others on the site. After rereading today's entry and challenge, I realize that I have turned over this marriage to the Lord. I am waiting on Him to tell me or show me what is supposed to happen. I am waiting patiently on the Lord. I held my tongue today with Michael.

Day 27/Part 2 - Love Encourages

Mike — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 21:03:44 GMT

09-01-2010 – Day 27/Part 2 – Love Encourages

The roller coaster goes up…….and then comes down really quickly.

A friend told me that he often puts his foot right in his mouth and hurts what he has said to his wife and this is what I did again today.

We were having a discussion, leaving out yesterday’s major issues, and I mentioned that she seemed upset. She denies it; just stating yesterday’s conversation was awkward and private. She told me she needed privacy (which I have honored) and she needs to be free to think, feel and act without checking with someone first. The discussion went round and round for a while then she said, “And this is why marriage isn’t working for us”. WOW! I back peddled and started to apologize but remembered the numerous apologies getting on her nerves so I reminded her that we have started to heal and that the good times will become more frequent if she allows it time. She said she has given me so many chances and is still here, she said she knows I am working on our marriage but she thinks the freedom of being single and the stress-free environment of being single would be better for her. I asked if she has made a list of the positives of being married and she said, “I will work on that later, not now”.

Again, fist to gut, felt like puking, crying and giving up all at once. We rode home in almost silence. I attempted to talk with her about the relationship again and she said that she doesn’t want to talk about anything heavy.

I don’t know if God is working on her or me for the single life, but at times yesterday I thought (but didn’t say), go, be single; my life would be so stress free also. If I am that bad a person to live with then go be happy with someone else. I must be the worst person in the world to be with that being single is better than living with me.

I had my part time teaching job last night so I was heading out the door and I asked if she had a moment. She sighed and told me she didn’t want to talk. I left.

Later in the evening she e-mailed me (I got it when I got home after class) telling me, “Thanks for working on our marriage, I do appreciate that”. It made me smile.

I prayed again, asking God to forgive my thoughts of being single and leaving or kicking her out. I asked for peace. I prayed for my wife. I read the dare again. The high expectations really hit a note with me. Laura has told me that I have high expectations for our relationship and when they fall short then I plunge to the bottom of the hill and stay there, depressed. She told me that she wanted to climb to the top of the hill and be happy, she liked the view there (her analogy, not mine). I have to change my expectations, she told me that when I plan a romantic evening that I hope culminates in our being intimate and that doesn’t happen because of kids, illness, or tiredness that I shouldn’t read into it and be depressed the next day, just go with the flow that we had a great evening and that will happen at another time.

Laura needs some time to de-stress and reset. I am gone next week (out of computer range as well I fear, bear hunting in Minnesota) so she will have a week without Mike. Her dad also is leaving the house and going back to his wife so another huge stressor is leaving also. Laura will have a whole week without me stressing her out. I can only pray she starts to miss me, misses our conversations or at least misses a part of our relationship that reminds her why she is married. However, in my mind I know that this week away could backfire on me and she could really decide she loves the single life while I am gone. I am a tad scared, but nothing I can do about it other than hand it over to God.

I did thank her for her e-mail and promised that I will be doing everything I can to fix me and us. I stopped short of asking her to be home tomorrow (Friday) night as I am leaving for the week. I hope she doesn’t have plans but I don’t want to be smothering or ‘force’ her into staying home from a class just because I want to be with her.

A lousy day all around. My wife is thinking of being single again, I am, again, the bad guy in all of this and she is getting to the point that even when things go well, minor setbacks, or a bad day seems to guide her towards leaving.

I am contacting our pastor and seeing if we can come in for a chat. Laura said she would do counseling or talk with Pastor Brian and exhaust everything before she decides to leave. In the same sentence she reminded me that it is her decision and there is not much I can do about it when and if she decides it is time to split.

I do not need this right now. This sucks!

- Mike

LifeWay Christian Resources Unveils Digital Bible Initiative: MyStudyBible.com

Aaron Linne — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 19:45:00 GMT

Coinciding with the October 2010 release of the HCSB Study Bible, LifeWay Christian Resources announces the release of a premiere online service to read and study the Bible.

MyStudyBible.com has officially launched as a public beta to preview the growing features and content several weeks in advance of the long-awaited HCSB Study Bible. MyStudyBible.com contains the complete HCSB Study Bible AND commentary notes, as well as select content from books like the Holman New Testament Commentary and references from Strong’s Greek and Hebrew Dictionary.

Aaron Linne, Digital Marketing Manager, describes MyStudyBible.com as “a part of an aggressive digital marketing campaign for the HCSB Study Bible to include social media marketing, search engine ad words and targeted Facebook campaigns. The online Bible site will continue LifeWay’s path to utilizing the biblical text in new ways, presenting products and ideas where the Bible itself becomes the basis for our digital publishing efforts.”

The HCSB Study Bible represents the work of 35 scholars, many of whom worked on the translation itself to produce the word studies and translation notes during the translation process. It also entailed a $100,000 national market research campaign with study Bible users to determine the design and features that people said they most wanted in a Bible. In addition to print and online editions, LifeWay is publishing the HCSB Study Bible in eBook form for Kindle, Nook, iBook and others, and releasing the HCSB Study Bible app for iPhone and iPad, with other mobile platforms soon to come.

“This is the first product in the history of our company that will be releasing with a full scale launch on all print and digital fronts and it is very fitting that it would be for our flagship HCSB Study Bible,” said Paul Mikos, Digital Executive Editor.

The Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB) translation launched in 2004 and since that time, more than 6 million HCSB Bibles have been sold. The HCSB is translated directly from the original Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic.

LifeWay, an entity of the Southern Baptist Convention, is one of the world’s largest providers of Christian products and services, including Bibles, church literature, books, music, audio and video recordings, church supplies, and Internet services through LifeWay.com. Established in Nashville, Tenn., in 1891, the company owns and operates more than 160 LifeWay Christian Stores throughout the United States, as well as two of the largest Christian conference centers in the country.

Days 13 and 14

charlottegirl — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 17:02:44 GMT

Day 13 - Love fights fair

S and I have never dealt with conflict very well. That weighs on my shoulders more that his, I admit. We both tend to get very upset, but he tries to put up road blocks by leaving the situation. This is hard for me because I want to resolve the conflict right away.

“Love reminds you that your marriage is too valuable to allow it to self-destruct, and that your love for your spouse is more important than whatever you’re fighting about.”

We must “fight” fair. The dare was to talk with our spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. This didn’t go very well. S didn’t want to do this, but I asked if we could He started by saying what was the point given what happened the other night. He said we had tried this before and I never followed what the therapists said. He said what I knew he was going to say, that the fight on Day 10 set him back so far. I wish he would try to see me through eyes of love, but he can’t. I wish he would focus on all of the progress and positive changes I have made. Well, here is what we came up with

1. Never fight in front of K or in public

2. Don’t bring up unrelated past issues

3. Don’t’ raise voices or curse

4. If S needs space, give it. Don’t follow him or try to touch him

5. Come back together within 24 hours

6. Really listen to what the other person is saying.

7. Don’t interrupt

I must do these things. It is not an option. I hate that I make him so mad. I don’t mean to. I must adhere to these rules and show him I will stick to it.

Day 14 – Love takes delight

This chapter talks about some extremely important things. Leading your heart instead of following it. There is a lot more about this in the appendix and I think it should be moved to the front of the book. It talks about how “in your marriage relationship you won’t always feel like loving.” Bur no matter what, “ you must lead your heart to once again delight in your mate.”

You are the one responsible for your feelings. If I am irritable, it is because I chose to be. If I pick on S instead of praising him, it is because I allowed my heart to be selfish. I love S. That is the choice I have made. I choose to love him for whom he is. I choose to love him even though he is not showing the same feelings back. I choose to love S despite the affair. In other words, I choose to love him period. I want to be delighted in his presence and him in mine. Got must have the control over S’s heart, as I cannot.

“The responsibility is yours to relearn what you love about the one to whom you’ve promised yourself forever.”

I didn’t always choose to take delight in S. I chose to let the unimportant things alter my feelings for him, but no longer!

Days 11 and 12

charlottegirl — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 16:50:37 GMT

Day 11 - Love Cherishes

This chapter talks about the bond between a husband and wife and how when your relationship experiences difficulty, you cannot just “dump” your spouse. They are a part of you. I would never voluntarily get rid of S. Our lives have been joined as one and I am fighting to keep it that way.

They talk about how when you mistreat your spouse, you are mistreating yourself. While I would never “dump” S, I haven’t always treated him as I should. He needs to be loved and cherished. I haven’t always treasured him as a precious gift. I will fight till the end to make sure S knows how much I cherish him.

I pray that God will help him see this. And hopefully he will cherish me again as part of his body, soul and hear.

For today’s dare, you much meet a need of your spouses. Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you.” And do it with a smile. I folded S’s laundry and put it in “his” room. I also scanned some pictures that he wanted and emailed them to him, I am truly enjoying doing these things for him. I love him.

Day 12 - Love let's the other one win

Before I start on Day 12, I forgot to write about S and I talking about what happened on Day 10. I was very ashamed of the way I acted that night. I told him this, and he said he was still upset, but that he was getting over it. My new mascot is a duck. Just let things roll off of you like water off a ducks back.

He wasn’t annoyed at me, I just took it that way and things fell apart from there. I know I am too sensitive about things and I am working on it. I am trying to take things in stride and am praying for help to deal with them when I need extra help.

This chapter talks about how defending your opinions can be extremely detrimental to a marriage. You must be the opposite of stubborn to make it past difficult situations. You must be willing. I know that this is something I need to work on, but my fear is that what if I am always the one the gives in. In our relationship, I am normally the one to apologize because I cannot stand it when S is upset with me. I don’t want time to be wasted being mad at the other one. S takes a longer time to get over things and so my fear is that he won’t be willing to give in and I will have to in order to get past the argument. S now is fighting doing things that I suggest. He seems to feel that if he goes along with me, I have somehow “forced” him, If we are to make it, we will both have to be willing to bend at times for no other reason than we love the other person. The authors make a very good point when they say, “You’ve already lost the fight by making the issue more important than your marriage and your spouse’s sense of worth.”

I am willing to bend to demonstrate love to S. The dare is to demonstrate love by willingly give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. I couldn’t see any time when I could do it. I didn’t see S pretty much all day. When I was in bed and he came home, he came into the bedroom and told me that he really wanted to go to a reunion in JC on Sat night. I was looking forward to hanging out with him that night, but since it was so important to him, I didn’t fight about it. I just told him that if it meant that much to him, he should go.

Day 32- Love Meets Sexual Needs (Only in My Dreams)

Prince Charming — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 13:47:16 GMT

I knew that Day 32 would not work out because she didn't even want to be in the same room with me. She came home from work with a bad migraine and went into her little room. My son and I put some sheets over the blinds so the room would be nice and dark for her. She couldn't talk at all because of the migraine either. She didn't think I knew that but I knew because I could tell by the way she was responding to me when I made a comment. My son later told me that she couldn't talk. He came out later and said that she was hungry and wanted some noodles for supper. I went ahead and cooked them for her and he carried them into her.

I told my son that I was going to sleep on the couch in case she needed anything during the night. She came by later and told me that I didn't have to sleep on the couch and really didn't want me to either. Well I sat down and prayed about and asked God what to do instead. He showed me that I should stay on the couch so that is what I did.

Even though I was not able to make love to my wife and may never get to again. I was able to look back at the times that I did and see that she is the greatest think that could have possibly happened to me over any other human relationship along with my kids. She will always be the love of my life no matter what happens between us.

Right now I am just going to continue to reach out to God and read his word daily. I am asking Him to lead me through this journey and to help make me a better man and husband.

Day 46-"Back to School??"

Jeremy H. — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 11:34:41 GMT

Okay, Melanie found out today that the new "gym" that she was applying at required a 4 year degree in the science related field to get hired there plus a certification in their selected governing body of exercise. So working at this new gym is likely out of the question. Melanie got this itch to get back to school. She/we are currently behind about $6000 in student loans from her previous couple attempts to attend school part-time while working full-time. I came home and she was on the phone talking to the Texas Gurantor Student Loans about working out a payment plan with them in order to return to school. She will have to make a $450.00 payment this month and then 9-12 consecutive payments with no interruption before she can get another loan. She was telling the loan officer about the fact that her new job was about to start, and then she could come up with the money. She really didn't discuss any of this with me, but I guess I support her in trying to improve her education. I really want her to get out of the job she is working at now because I am tired of her having so much free time to text ol "what's his name" and if she was busy in an office constantly, maybe that relationship will begin to fade.

This morning I got up to get the papers out (big labor day sales, and man they were THICK), and finished up just about an hour ago. Melanie asked if I would wake her up, so I began to. She said "5 minutes" so I returned to the living room to check my route manifest with what the company had on file, because I was consistenly coming up 4 papers short every day. While researching that I heard a faint "Jeremy....." come from the back bedroom.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to research how I am 4 papers short. Unless you want a cuddle buddy for a few minutes?"

I lie on bed next to her, and threw my arm over her waist. It seemed to be fine for a bit, but there was NO positive reaction from her at all. No movement toward me, no mutual enjoyment, and then she gave me the "get off of me line" she always uses......

"I am really hot......"

I took the hint and returned to the kitchen to complete my research. Kind of what I figured that she is completely numb towards me as a husband. Oh well, God can restore the love in his timing. Looks like I am right on matching up my count for the papers. There is a physical breakdown in the count, and not on my end. I have a couple things...

1) If she is making all these long term plans (going to school, etc...) I assume that she will think of herself as sticking around, especially when the areas of study she is planning on taking involve going to school full-time in 3rd and 4th years during the day. Unless she is planning for Daniel to pick up the bill...I don't know...

2) The Anniversary is tomorrow. I am already planning on her choosing Daniel over me. I have a babysitter on standby incase I get the shock of a lifetime, but I have already purchased the "love dare" book as a gift and a nice Christian Anniversary Card. I am going to get her haircut as a gift for her, and possibly some new workout outfits. I will take the time tomorrow to get a nice bouquet of flowers and get them here to the house. It will be a sacrifice, since I have been working in the oilfield all week, and my job site is 30 miles away one-way. I plan on leaving for work, and then once I get my crew set-up, driving back to purchase the flowers, etc... in order to kind of surprise her since she thinks I will be out of town the entire day.

I am still pouring out unconditional love and not sweating the small stuff, as I am leaving that to God. Praise his name in ALL THINGS, and I am still working on his calendar NOT mine...

Day 45 Tuesday Just as BUSY!

Jeremy H. — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 11:19:04 GMT

Well not much to report here, but had a busy day in the field, and came home completely exhausted. I didn't have the energy to get a workout in, and I told Melanie that I wasn't going to the gym. She got herself dressed to go, and sat down for a minute...or so she intended. The "minute" turned into watching some TV with me while sitting together on the couch talking about job stuff occasionally until I went off to bed. It seems like we are either working on a great friendship, or hanging in the 'friend zone" pretty deep, but we are really communicating well. I will take that as a positive, and trust it is the foundation of rebuilding a great marriage.

Don't want to expect too much too soon....She went to an interview with a prospective gym that she wants to work at part-time as well as working full time as an oil/gas admin person. She hasn't gotten an official offer from the oil/gas position, so keeping all her options open is okay I guess.

DREADED DAY

augustus — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 02:55:04 GMT

This a day i was hoping would never come,this was a day i have prayed that would be averted,on this day i asked the Lord to take this cup from me but it was not so.On this day was mediation/settlement day.I trained my client this morning and i fasted and prayed all day yesterday so i was in great spirits(if you guys do not,i would encourage an occassional fast to get the heavens attention).Carla(my darling wife) got in late yesterday evening so i did not see her,when i was done training my client she had already gotten dressed and left the house even though it was to be hours before we had to be at court.Just as well for i took the oppurtunity to pray while getting ready for what would transpire.I just prayed and meditated on His word.I have entertained the thought now have come to the conclusion that there is another person in my marriage and it aint Jesus(although He is so maybe there are 4 people in this love square).ICourt settings are not my thing and lets just say i believe most lawyers are going to hell,anyway as i entered the waiting area i saw my darling wife.I asked her if did she think that this guy would be faithful to her?She pretended as if she had no idea what i was talking about but thats ok..She went on to say if i would not have done what i did we would not be here.i also asked he how is it that 2 christians who are walking in the mercy of God incompatible(that is her reason for divorcing me)?She had no answer.Well we met the mediator and she was quite pleasant.I told het that we hit a dry patch in our marriage and i had done some things that and said some things that i was not proud of and even thought divorce was what i wanted until God got my attention(i stopped drinking,working like a madman,stop playing playstation for hours upon hours,realized some real character flaws in myself).I realized that i do love my wife and i want our marriage to survive but my wife was not of the same opinion.My wife did not let the fact that we were in public stop her from spitting fire(she can not help herself).My wife excused herself to put money in to meter and i told the mediator that this would so much easier to endure if i did not love her,BUT I STILL LOVE MY WIFE!!!!.Then i started crying,then the mediator started crying.I can not remember the last time i cried,i thought i was all creid out.Anyway we were asked all these questions in how it relates to kids,transportation,vacataions,and then the subject of religious preference comes up.ARE YOU KIDDING ME? MY WIFE BLURTS OUT,WE BOTH OUR CHRISTIANS.I COULD HAVE CROACKED ON THAT ONE.I paused and then i asked my darling wife what kind of example is this setting for our daughters??I then asked wher is the forgiveness in this matter.She replied i have forgiven you.You have forgiven me but yet you are divorcing me.I told her that God is nowhere in that.She replied that God kept her through the mess i was taking her to which i replied the trust him the rest of the way in out marriage.Not to be showed up my wife with flames coming out of her nostrils says that i do not want to be married to you anymore,she does not find me attractive anymore,i do not love me anymore;to which the mediator was dismayed.I said thats fine because I still choose to love you unconditionally.She replies that i need to get on with my life because she has.When a boxer has been hit so many times the punches start to lose its sting and those words did not faze me a bit(i was protected by the armor of God)She was starting to get incensed.Several hours transpired and we had not gotten through all there was t ogo through.She wanted to rush through things so everything could be wrapped up but i was not going to rush through the process just for her convience which incensed her more.I felt my anger rise bc i got tire of her accusing me of harrassing her when i send a text to let her know that things do not have to be this way and that she is ready t omove out to which i replied please do so today(Im sorry God for i really did not mean that).Needless to say we have to say we have to reschedule another mediation session to wrap it up.Form there we met our lawyers,yeah.I said i wanted the house to which she agreed to.She was so disappointed that things were not wrapping up she could not sit still,it was kind of funny.She told the lawyers if she could move out bc she can not saty in the house bc she is being harrassed to which i replied please do with the way she is carrying on.I do not want to harrass my wife.Well i lived to tell the tale,i told her that if she wanted she coulde give me sole custody of the kids because what i am seeing is that she really wants no responsibility.Even as i am writting this she is outside talking on the phone.Do i still love my wife?? YES. I am going to continue to pray for her and i ask for you to pray for Carla Whitfield.I have heard it said that that a person's relationship with God is an indicator of how well they treat there spouse and from what i have seen of late it is true.

10 Steps to Success as a Novelist--I hope!

Patti Hill — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 02:36:00 GMT

ne perk of being a published writer is gaining credibility whether I deserve it or not. I'm frequently asked to speak to church groups, book clubs, service groups, and writer groups. I love it! I'm a teacher, first and foremost, and a bit of a ham.

I'm very excited about my first opportunity to teach at a writers conference this month. My local writing group--The Lord's Write Hands--is sponsoring the conference in partnership with Mesa State College. [...]

Check out the full post on Novel Matters!